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Is Your Love Life Making You Fat?

February 8, 2011
by Coach Cora

“My husband is making me fat,” the woman sitting next to me on the plane last night whispered.  (Her husband was right next to her  semi-sleeping.)  “From the moment we got together, he always told me how fat I was, and back then I was a 4!”

She continued, “I was so fed up with him telling me I was fat, I just gained weight, like I knew I couldn’t win so I just let myself go.”

Deep conversation for the plane right?  Funny enough, the conversation started because she had been looking over my shoulder, reading my essay for the We Love Our Bodies Project.  (http://sexysoulwellness.com/we-love-our-bodies/)   I was writing a story about a woman, Sherry* who had always been okay with her body until a boyfriend told her she was fat.

“He would grab the fat on my stomach and shake it.  Tell me it was grosse.” Sherry went on to share that her boyfriend would insist that she go on diets. “Instead of releasing weight in that relationship, I gained more.”

Furthermore, like my new friend on the plane, Sherry began to disconnect from her body more and more.  The men in both their lives critiqued and judged their bodies so much that both these amazing women started to do the same.

Not all of us have partners who are critical of our bodies, but I believe most of us, women and men alike, have that Inner Critic voice within us that does the same job.  I know I do!

Just a couple weeks ago I recall getting ready to leave the apartment and this is what I was hearing:

Your hair looks like shit.  I can see your gray. Those jeans don’t fit you right. Come on, you couldn’t take the time to paint your toe nails? Grosse! Why do you look so tired?”

This voice used to run my life.  My Inner Critic/Perfectionist popped up whenever I was starting to feel better about my body and my Self, usually sending me down a spiral of despair and encouraging me to hide out and play VERY small in my life.

She used to be super loud, but with time and experience, I have learned how to turn down the volume.  I have practiced forgiving myself for those lies that used to run through my brain on a regular basis.  I have explored letting go of negative thought patterns and replacing them with self-honoring new ones like:

“I am beautiful just the way I am.”

“I love my body and myself right now and I’m so grateful for me!

Sometimes I have to fake it until I make it, but the words sink in and the Inner Critic gets softer and softer.

With tears in her eyes, the lady on the plane asks, “What do I do?  How do I get better?  I mean I can’t leave him.”  (She shared they had 5 kids together)

I laughed as I pictured her holding a remote control, and putting her husband on mute.  If only that was a possibility.:)

The truth is, she could leave her man, but even without him in her life, like ALL of us, she would most likely still hear the Inner Critic.

Yet, regarding the Inner Critic Within, we DO have a remote control inside of us and we can choose, with and Joy and Courage…

to turn down the volume, until the voice of Love is all we hear.

For support on loving YOUR body and releasing weight, email Coach Cora at cora@sexysoulwellness.com to set up a F.R.E.E. 30 minute Inuitive Wellness Session with Tarot.  (All sessions are over the phone!)  www.sexysoulwellenss.com

6 Comments leave one →
  1. February 8, 2011 10:54 am

    Wow, I love your plane conversations! :) I hope, if nothing else, that the woman next to you felt an immense release after sharing such a personal and emotional experience with you.

    You bring up an incredible point, whether it be a boyfriend or a family member or a friend, negative comments about weight are HARD to brush off. I know for myself, I’ve done a lot of work around my family member’s comments on weight and body image. I have definitely ingested my fair share of negative comments, and subconsciously chose to take them on. But recently, I’ve learned (as I’m sure you probably know) it’s not about what they say, it’s about how I choose to listen and react.
    For instance, I look at my brothers, who are both incredibly handsome and have no weight issues. They heard the same messages, but chose not to ingest them.
    It’s not easy, but slowly, I’m defining my own sense of beauty.

    I love the declarations:
    “What I’ve heard about beauty isn’t necessarily true. I choose to adopt new ways of thinking that support my happiness and success.”
    “I release my non-supportive experiences with beauty from the past and create a new and gorgeous future.”

    • February 8, 2011 5:07 pm

      WOW!! I love those declarations Molly! Thank you!!!

      I also love the way you have looked at your brothers as role models and teachers in this area! You are so amazing!

      How empowering that you are truly CHOOSING how to react. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

      Love you!

  2. Derek Dude Hadley permalink
    February 8, 2011 1:50 pm

    Cora, that is amazing! You were meant to be in that spot at that very moment to help that woman. Situations like that just blow my mind but are so incredibly beautiful.

    Similarly it works the other way as well. I’ve always wanted to GAIN more weight, being a guy, but used the same techniques you just described to be more than happy with my body how it is. I know in this moment I’m perfect in every way.

    This past weekend I was in Vegas. I only spent one night there with friends because I was going to visit Angela in Phoenix for the next 2 days. I climbed into a random taxi outside the Bellagio, I had no idea how that ride would change my life. The driver and I started talking and eventually I told him how toxic I felt being in Vegas for even one night. I told him how I loved being active and outside and being there wasn’t really catering to the lifestyle I’ve chosen. He said he could really understand where I was coming from and said to me, “I’m a raw foodist. Do you know what raw foods is?” I just sat there kinda stunned and said, “Yes, I mostly do raw foods as well.” He turned and looked right at me, then I realized I recognized him! I said, “WAIT!……Are you the raw food body builder on youtube?!” He looked at me totally shocked and said, “Yes I’m Danny Dalton…” Then I just freaked out and started clapping and laughing uncontrollably. I said, “Dude I knew I recognized your voice! I LOVE your video! I’ve posted it everywhere and watch it all the time!” He was completely shocked and flattered that I knew who he was. He said he almost asked me if I did raw foods the moment I climbed into the taxi but didn’t want to offend me if I didn’t. I told him I wasn’t feeling the greatest that morning and how I’ve wanted to gain some weight over the past couple years and wasn’t sure if I was happy with my physical look. He was VERY generous with the compliments though. He said, “You look like what you should look like. You look great! I could tell right off that you were healthy and a physically active person, you should be proud of that. You are PERFECT right now!” Then he offered to take me to the gym when I returned someday and even offered to have me stay at his house! It was amazing to say the least! I just knew I was loved and supposed to be in that spot in that very moment to hear those kind things.

    So I guess what I’m getting at is that even people in good physical health still hear the voices saying, “You aren’t good enough!” Those don’t go away with the weight, whether its losing or gaining weight. We all need to take the steps and KNOW we are perfect just the way we are, in this moment we unconditionally love ourselves. THAT is what I believe the ‘remote control’ is. That thought will permeate from our soul through our physical body and progressive things will manifest in our lives we never thought possible. :)

    Thank you Cora! Love you lots and lots :D

    • February 9, 2011 9:06 pm

      Whoah Derek! What a FABULOUS story! Thank you! Talk about synchronicity!! You should write a blog. You have sooo much wisdom to share!!

      Love you too! You are amazing!

      • Derek Dude Hadley permalink
        February 10, 2011 11:41 pm

        Awe, thank you! I really appreciate the confidence :)

  3. Lisa permalink
    February 23, 2011 9:59 pm

    Derek, you just opened my mind to a brand new perspective. I never considered the impact of society’s expectations on men. You are awesome and so brave to give a voice to people who are not usually heard. With remote control in hand, I turn the volume up on your voice. Please continue to share your message! Thanks.

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