For anyone who has ever been an OUTCAST
Frizzy hair, braces, clothes from Walmart, and a trumpet case in hand, I was NOT the definition of “COOL” in Middle School OR for much of High-School. My mom drove a bright, yellow VW Van with Grateful Dead Stickers on the back. I didn’t receive many props from my peers for that one! This WAS small town Kansas, people.
As a teen, I always felt a bit on the outskirts, like I didn’t belong or fit in. As if every other kid had received some “How to be Normal and Popular” Handbook, except for me. The UPS Delivery Truck broke down on the way to my House, apparently, and was then permanently re-routed.
One of my most embarrassing “Nerd” Memories was in 7th Grade. I used to walk to school with *Adam, a VERY popular and Handsome fellow student. He was so ashamed to walk with me that he forced us to walk on SEPARATE sides of the street. We YELLED our conversations across the road, as we made our way to Kennedy Middle School. He also made me promise NEVER to tell anyone that we were friends.
One morning during our walk, I tripped on the curb. My trumpet case went flying, knocking my trumpet out onto the street. I fell face first into the cement. It was a major wipeout. I was mortified. Adam just kept walking, as I wiped off the dirt and small amounts of blood, and saved my trumpet from being smashed by incoming cars.
Instead of questioning why he didn’t stop to help, all I thought about was how clumsy I was, and how everyone at school was going to laugh at me.
The Truth is, I was the girl that the Popular Boys used to “pretend” to like when dared by their friends. Not super fun.
Around 16, something shifted, and I started hanging out with the Cool Kids, and was eventually even elected Prom Queen. Adam actually asked me out on a date!! I told him SURE! As long as we walk on separate sides of the street and he never told anyone that we went on a date.;) Hee hee
However, even in my “More Popular” years, I still felt like an Outcast inside, a Mistake, even. I may have been wearing a tiara, but inside I felt like I was still carrying my trumpet and tripping over curbs.
I have tried to shove these feelings down, Self Analyze them away, and Process the shit out of myself and my emotions. I thought I had made peace with my Inner Nerd. I felt like we had reached a Truce. I thought I had fully embraced my confident, Business Owner, New York City Resident Self.
HOWEVER, I recently went to my Hometown in Kansas for the wedding of the most popular woman in my Class. A BEAUTIFUL and SWEET woman, and one of my close friends. However, the minute I walked into the wedding, I felt my inner “Nerd” come up and out. I immediately felt like an outcast and an alien. My dress was all wrong. My hair was frizzing. Was I too New York City? Who was I trying to impress? I felt like a fraud, a fake, lost, confused, and ugly.
I escaped to the Bathroom, where surprisingly, I was alone. I looked myself in the eyes. Deeply.
“Little Cora”, I said, “I know you are totally freaking out. You feel lost and scared and on the outside. I want you to know that you are AMAZING. You are beautiful. You are quirky and nerdy AND confident and cool. You are a mix of everything. You can’t be labeled or put in a box, and you may never feel popular. And that’s MORE than okay. Because we have each other. And we have an amazing support network of friends, family, angels, Spirit Guides, God. We are SO supported. I love you so much. Now get out of your own way. Stop overthinking. Go down there and have fun with your friends. Life is to be lived fully and you are missing it, by staying stuck in your thoughts, fears, and doubts. Let’s go PARTY!”
And that’s what I did. I embraced my Inner Nerd, Outsider, Prom Queen, Hippi, and Coach. I embraced ALL of me.
I walked down the stairs, back into the party, and when I tripped on the bottom step, this time, YES, this time, the men came running to help me back up.
For your very own FREE Dream Body and Life Coaching Session with Coach Cora, click here: https://my.timedriver.com/HCQ3R
*Named changed to protect the innocent!:)