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Learning to Love Myself

November 30, 2013
by Coach Cora

by Guest Blogger  Debra Mittler


When I heard people say “It’s important for you to love yourself” I didn’t understand what they were talking about. “What do you mean love myself, how do I do that?” I spent most of my life hurting and judging my every thought, word and action; I was very far from loving myself.

At age 15 I entered my first hospital visit for anorexia and for over 23 years I was in and out of numerous hospitals and treatment centers, living a life of self hatred and self destruction. What was going on? Why would anyone choose to deprive their body and hurt themselves with negative self talk? There are many possible reasons why I created a life of self destruction and negativity as it served a purpose in one way or another, however, I didn’t understand this at the time; it just seemed to happen by default.

Through my journey of healing, I discovered that one of the misunderstandings I had bought into, was that it was selfish for me to love myself and that if I did I wouldn’t be loved or accepted by others. I also had concluded at a young age that someone would show me that they loved me by taking care of me if I was hurting or rejecting myself. These misunderstandings, as well as many others, influenced the ways in which I handled myself and experienced many years of my life.

As an adult I struggled with nurturing and treating myself with love and respect as it wasn’t in congruence with what my energy system was used to. In my mind I wanted to love me and appreciate me, however my entire being was running on a misunderstanding that to be loved I needed to punish and hurt myself. There was a constant struggle that would come up anytime I took steps in the direction of honoring and loving myself, I was bumping up against a belief that I developed early on and stored in my unconscious, thus I resisted the experience of self love.

My first step towards loving myself started when I became willing to be with myself and acknowledge what I was feeling with compassion and understanding instead of judgment; which allowed me to feel safe, loved and accepted.

By becoming aware of my negative self-talk, thoughts, beliefs, fears, guilt, misunderstandings and judgments, I was able to see the ways in which I wasn’t in alignment with my true self. Then I learned to ask myself supportive questions such as: “What’s a more loving way I can be with myself right now; how would someone who loves themselves be in this moment? What would they do, how would they think, speak and act?” This helped me to expand my awareness beyond what I was habitually experiencing.

At the beginning it was a challenge and I resisted the ideas that came forth because they weren’t familiar yet, however, I had the opportunity to heal by acknowledging what I was feeling, by being compassionate, loving and understanding, and becoming aware of new possibilities.

By acknowledging myself fully, and through forgiving myself and others- I was then, able to choose new thoughts, feelings, beliefs and actions that were in support of me loving myself. I felt an internal shift take place,  and from this space I started experiencing unconditional love for myself, others and all of my life experiences.

One day in the mist of feeling sadness, my inner self, guided me to go into my bedroom to pick up a picture that I have had next to my bed of me as a little girl. As I looked into this little girl’s eyes, I felt so much love and compassion for her, I held the picture and said “Its okay sweetie, I love you, I care about you, you’re not alone and I’m here for you.” After doing this I felt the most beautiful and blissful feeling of love moving throughout my entire being. It didn’t matter anymore whether I was being loved or accepted by others, as I felt so much love inside; there was a profound integration of unconditional love and acceptance available to me.

Once I stopped judging myself and instead became more compassionate and loving, I began to experience what it truly means to love myself fully.

My wish for you is that you come to know, experience and love the divine being that you are, you are worth it.


Much Love,



What does it mean to love myself?

It’s embracing all of my god given wealth.

It’s seeing that I am perfect as I am,

And so is every boy, girl, woman and man.

Loving myself is allowing myself to feel,

And bringing to the light what needs to be healed.

Loving myself is honoring my body glove,

And treating myself like someone I love.

Loving myself is speaking to myself with honor,

Just like a mother who loves her daughter.

Loving myself is having compassion,

And embracing my own unique fashion.

Loving myself is letting go of the lies,

That told me I’ll never be as good as the guys.

The lies that told me that I needed to be thin,

In order to be accepted and win.

Loving myself is appreciating all of me,

Especially the parts I didn’t want to see.

Loving myself is being my own best friend,

And seeing myself as a beautiful gem.

Loving myself is appreciating my mistakes,

They show me the corrections I can make.

Loving myself means expressing myself,

And doing what’s good for me and my health.

Loving myself is treating myself like I matter

As I continue to climb up the learning ladder.

Loving myself means giving myself a chance,

A chance to live, love, sing and dance.

Loving myself is breaking free,

Free from the fears that limited me.

Loving myself is being in the flow,

And giving myself permission to learn and grow.

Loving myself is taking care of my needs,

Letting my true self guide and lead.

Loving myself is allowing my light to shine,

And being compassionate, loving and kind.

Loving myself is being one with all,

And being willing to answer my divine call.



Debra Mittler is a warm and compassionate Spiritual Counselor, Intuitive Healer, and Hypnotherapist, with a unique ability to touch people’s hearts and souls. Debra enjoys assisting others in developing and cultivating gentle and loving ways of being with themselves, others and following their heartfelt dreams.

For more information you can contact Debra at

(310) 948-9997  You can also visit her blogs at  and


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